Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
