textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
