i just wanna soil my oats bro
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
