Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
my poor anus
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
