I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
