Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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