this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she peed on how many people?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
