Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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