okay pat passed out under dana's car
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
