If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
