I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize