Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
