Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
