i need an iv and a liver transplant
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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