i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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