he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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