Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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