I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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