Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm gonna fight the coyote
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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