also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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