I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
