God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
