there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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