I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize