When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
