my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
