all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
