Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
