oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
