I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
