thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
