I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
