I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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