There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize