She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
