dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this hospital has no fireball
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
