You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
