dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
