Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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