Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
