when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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