she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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