That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
A+ Viking dick
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
