I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
