Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
