That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Little spoons don't ask big questions
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
