Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
