ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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