i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
