Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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