dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
someone owes me an orgasm
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
