Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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