oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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