I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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