Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
