i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
