Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
