ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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