So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
