Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize