So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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