i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This baby is an asshole
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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