I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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