mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
