Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
