Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
