U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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