My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
