Need sex. Gaining weight.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
