dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
