I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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