I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
