I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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