and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
