): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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