I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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