My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
