you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize