new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
