Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
