he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
