You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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