It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
