4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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