Dual....:-)
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize