So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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