i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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