And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Who died my cat blue again?
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